Keeping My Teen Safe on the Road During Prom & Graduation

Dear Lauren - 

My son just got his driver's license and, with all the parties - prom and graduation - that go on during this season, I am terrified to let him go out on a weekend night. It seems like every spring we hear about a young person dying tragically in a car accident. How can I keep him safe and me sane?

 Safety First

 Dear Safety First -

This time of celebration for kids can be a scary time for parents. Not only are kids brand new drivers, they are brand new adults -- over-flowing with excitement, confidence, and enthusiasm; full of plans for the future; and eager to get on with it all. It is a beautiful sight to behold, but not so much when it comes to parties and driving on Friday and Saturday nights.  

Your job during this time is similar to that of a coach -- including information, education, communication, caring, coordinating, and time on the bench as needed. The idea is to create an atmosphere of ongoing two-way conversation about this topic which would include information about the facts, the law, the choices they are faced with and how to make good decisions on-the-spot about staying safe.  

It is important that this is a two-way conversation. Encourage your son to identify and think through the times when he would be most vulnerable to making a rash or hasty decision. Guide him to think through the trouble spots. It is not a time for being judgmental or critical. Create the space for your son, to do the judging -- not necessarily criticizing himself or his friends -- but of what decisions were good ones and what ones were not good. Then you can validate his points and add any other you may have. Communicate love. And communicate often.

You may be nervous or feel you are not influential, but the good news is that talking with and educating your teen helps. Mothers Against Drunk Driving has excellent resources and tips for communicating with your son about this topic. Even when you don't think they are listening, the majority of kids up to 17 say their parents influence their drinking decisions.

It is helpful to know the specifics about the laws in Virginia as it relates to underage drinking and drinking and driving. Virginia does have a zero tolerance for under-age possession of alcohol as well as driving under the influence. Whether or not your son is 18 years old, he risks jail, fines, and license suspension if he mixes alcohol and driving.  

Get involved. Getting involved is a great way to be a positive role model and to help increase teen safety. As you probably know, your actions have a huge impact on the decisions your child makes. Joining MADD and/or Students Against Drunk Driving are two straightforward ways to increase exposure to the message of safety on the road.  

Presenting Prom Safety Week to the school's Student Council or PTA and/or coordinating presentations on How to Talk to Your Kids About the Facts of Drinking & Driving are another two possibilities. One school, East Rockingham High School in Elkton, VA, sponsored a prom safety week. It included a  golf cart course in which students tried to text and drive. 

You are not alone in your concern. Talk with other parents about ways to keep the message in front of teens and adults.

Do what you can to create an alliance with your son about drunk driving. For instance, talk about what drunk driving looks like and what to do if he sees a car driving erratically on the road. Encourage him to keep his distance and ask a passenger to jot down the license plate number.  

Talk with your son the weekend specifics. Communicate with other parents about parties or plans that involve your son. And talk about how the weekend went. You don't need to talk for hours at a time. Just talk enough to keep the message present and lines of communication open.

Best Regards,

Lauren